Seven Years

I've been meaning to write something on the topic of motherhood. I know, that is such a huge and daunting subject that I will only be able to address bits and pieces in various blog posts, and it is hard to know where to even begin. I'd been thinking that as Noelle approaches seven years of age (exactly two months from today), I've been hard at work on this motherhood gig for almost seven years already! I can hardly believe it myself that I've made it this far. I remember how overwhelmed and awe-struck and inadequate I felt when she was first born. Today, seven years and another daughter later, I am much more relaxed and comfortable in my role.

I've been thinking a lot lately of all the ways motherhood has changed me inwardly and outwardly, as well as radically altered the general flow and direction of my life. (Speaking of "outwardly," there is a fascinating website where very brave women post photos of their bodies before, during, and after pregnancy.)

Our daughters are almost five and a half years apart. By the time the second one came along, it had been literally years since we had had a diaper, bottle, or pacifier in the house. It's very strange and wonderful to be back in the thick of it again, feeling a little bit wiser but very much older. Having two kids is more than twice as difficult as having one. It is more like exponentially more difficult. As a working mother I am doing twice the running around to school, activities, day care, preschool. And when I begin to think about adding up the financial costs of this endeavor I never allow myself to follow that thought through to its conclusion. (This article I just read today sums up some of the basic costs--minus private schools and college, the most prohibitive expenses of all--although it seems a conservative estimate to me. Babysitting costs for a night out? Joining sports teams? Piano lessons? Paying for full airfares and extra sleeping accommodations in hotels if you dare to travel anywhere after the child turns two? Not really addressed in the piece.) But there are moments, like this one, when the older one takes the younger one by the hand or squeezes her with pure affection, or when they are playing and laughing together and the house feels full of life, that truly do make it feel like the everyday struggles and sacrifices are all worthwhile.